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Monday, February 20, 2006

Surprise, Surprise! Byrd, Stevens Are First Porkbusters Hall of Shame Inductees; Clinton, Baldwin Secure Dishonorable Mentions

It will come as no shock to anybody familiar with the ways of Washington that Sen. Robert Byrd, D-WV, and Sen. Ted Stevens, R-AK, are the first inductees into the Porkbusters Hall of Shame.

Byrd has built a career on his ability to deliver federal tax dollars to his constituents from one end of the Appalachians to the other and in the process gotten his name attached to more buildings, parks, roads and bridges on a per capita basis than previously thought possible by even the most naive political analysts.

Noted Porkbusters Hall of Shame Maximum Leader N.Z. Bear in announcing the winners:

"In his over 48 years (!) in the United States Senate, Senator Byrd has achieved a pork record that is second to none. From the Robert C. Byrd Expressway to the Robert C. Byrd Freeway; the Robert C. Byrd Institute to the Robert C. Byrd Federal Building (both of them), Senator Byrd has truly left his mark on West Virginia - and the federal budget. (And let us not overlook the proposed Robert C. Byrd rooms in the U.S. Capitol.) It would be appropriate to erect some kind of monument to his century-spanning resume --- except that he already did so himself."

No Porkbusters Hall of Shame would be complete, however, without the name of Alaska's longest-serving senator being prominently associated with the proceedings. Stevens' recent outpouring of passionate outrage at the thought of limits on his porking got the attention of even the most apathetic of his fellow citizens.

Observed Bear in his announcement of Stevens' selection:

"If Senator Byrd is the Emperor Palpatine of pork, then Ted Stevens has clear aspirations to be his Darth Vader. The Dark Side of the pork Force runs strong with this one, and it runs straight over a Bridge To Nowhere. But it isn't so much the mere fact of Stevens' ability to bring the bacon back to Alaska that makes him Hall of Shame material: it's the fierce pride with which he does it. His impassioned vow on the floor of the Senate to 'be taken out of here on a stretcher' if Senator Tom Coburn's effort to de-fund the famed Bridge passed has entered into the annals of Senate history - and his continued devotion to Pork has landed him in our Hall of Shame."

Byrd and Stevens pork immortality is now assured but two other solons of slime gained Dishonorable Mentions, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-NY, and Rep. Tammy Baldwin, D-WI, who were the first recipients of the Billie Jean King Award.

Go here for more information on the Porkbusters Hall of Shame and learn how you, too, can join in the fun and excitement of spotlighting porking politicians and other career criminals roaming unchecked across the American political process.